


Tracing Lines

by eams81



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie Diaz Takes Care of Evan "Buck" Buckley, Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Established Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Has Bad Parents, M/M, Non Graphic, Scars, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29684988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eams81/pseuds/eams81
Summary: They both had scars, and sometimes in the middle of the night when sleep evaded them they would trace along those lines.Set after/during Buck Begins
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 246





	1. Chapter 1

Buck shivered as feather-light fingers trailed down the sensitive spot on his side, leaning into the touch. It was moments like these that he loved; the moments when he could forget about the troubles of his day and the horrors that he witnessed on shift and let himself be loved. He was the first to admit that he was a person who thrived on physical contact, and he didn't need his therapist to point out that it stemmed back to the years of being touch-starved and emotionally distanced from his parents for most of his childhood. Buck shook his head slightly, he didn't want to think about his parents now, even though he had given them the forgiveness that they didn't deserve. He wanted to enjoy the soft touches that were running over areas that that had been mapped out so many times before. 

The clock was ticking later into the night, the sky already black outside of the window and the sound of distant sirens occasionally broke the silence of the room. The fingers that were ghosting across his skin, trailed to his hip bone, stopping just above the top of the scar on his leg before the touch changed direction and slid to the Buck's hand which was resting on his hip. Buck smiled as Eddie instantly entwined their fingers as he leaned across the small space between them, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss like so many they had shared before. "Love you,"

"Love you too." Eddie whispered against Buck's lips, squeezing his hand before letting their fingers separate once more. Buck frowned and thought all the urges within himself to flinch as Eddie's soft touch traced up the inside of his arms running along the raised white scar that was so often hidden underneath his watch strap. It was the one scar that had caused Buck's voice to catch in his throat the first time Eddie found that back when their relationship was still fresh; and it was the one scar that he had made sure Maddie never knew about. It was a thick scar, sitting at a centimetre wide, and was white against his skin with age, having been a part of his skin since he was fifteen years old. Buck had grown a lot since then, but the memory of dragging the blade across the inside of his wrist still haunted him, and he doubted he would ever forget the feelings that had filled his head and bubbled in his chest. With Maddie gone, and being stuck at home with the parents who could barely stand to look at him, Buck had found himself swimming against a current of sadness that he couldn't fight against. The blade that he had painfully picked out of the back of a razor had felt like the answer to the solution, and he had believed that no one would have missed him if he ended his life. 

The first time that he told Eddie the story, he had tried to brush away the sympathy that filled the other man's eyes, and his attempts to brush it away were met with the reminder of just how much love Eddie had to give. It was in these moments where no words had to be said, and there was no rush to feel skin against skin that they traced the scars that littered their bodies. Buck knew that the scars from bullet wounds could make Eddie tense up on his bad days, just like Eddie knew that his surgery scars ached when it was cold, or he had done something to overwork his leg. 

Buck twisted throwing his leg over the top of Eddie's, manoeuvring them both so that Eddie's back was pressed against the mattress and he was pinned underneath Buck's weight. Eddie groaned in surprise, sounding louder than usual after so long of just steady breaths. "Tough day,"

"They sometimes are," Eddie agreed, his hands moving to settle on Buck's hips holding him in place as the covers bunched around his waist. Buck nodded, as he moved once more so that he was lying sprawled across Eddie's chest. He made a feeble attempt to pull the covers up around them before letting them fall once more leaving his back exposed to the warm air in the room. "But no matter how tough they are, you will always have me and Christopher waiting at home for you."


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie grinned to himself as he hid away the ridiculous amount of snacks that Buck had brought over for their movie night and takeout date. He hadn't been surprised to see the younger man grinning brightly at him, his arms loaded with the brown bags that had threatened to spill out onto the doorway as he juggled to hit the doorbell. Christopher's enthusiastic shout of "Bucky," and the added obstacle that an eight-year-old with crutches causes had Eddie grabbing for the bags as the overflowing snacks began their attempt to fall. "You didn't have to buy the entire grocery store Buck," Eddie teased, as he returned the blinding smile that filled the other man’s face. It was one of the things that had first drawn him to the other man, the way he smiled so brightly that it made you forget about everything else. 

"Nah, you’re kidding right? It's a movie night and that means lots of candy and lots of snacks." Buck grinned, as he swept Christopher up into his arms as soon as he was free of the groceries, the twinkle in his eyes suggesting to Eddie that his juggling act may not have been as genuine as it first appeared. "See me and Christopher here, are gonna eat so much candy and pizza tonight."

"Yhp, all the candy." Christopher agreed, his crutches coming up as he gestured with his hands. The impish smile on his son’s face mirrored the look that he knew he had seen on Buck's face dozens of times before too. Eddie wondered not for the first time who was the original source of the smile that clearly told him that he had lost the fight that hadn't yet happened. 

"I feel outnumbered here," Eddie sighed dramatically as he momentarily lost himself in the openness of Buck's eyes, and the way they twinkled with his happiness and the playful mischief. 

* * *

  
  


They had crossed over the line between friendship and something more, only a few weeks ago, but Eddie was amazed at how seamlessly they had adjusted to the change. Even before they had shared a drunken kiss and revealed hidden feelings over a half dozen bears and a Kings game on TV, Buck had already become part of their family. When Eddie was arranging days out with Christopher to go to a museum or the zoo, it was always with the knowledge that Buck would be there with them, regaling them both with random facts about everything and anything like he was their own personal encyclopaedia. After their first kiss and a more sober conversation the next morning, Eddie was amazed at how simple the transition was; nothing had changed, but now Eddie knew the feeling of Buck's lips, and he had found heaven curled up in the sheets with the other man. 

If anyone at the firehouse had noticed the change in their relationship, they hadn't said anything and neither man wanted to do the big reveal to their friends. At work, they kept it as professional as they always had, and no one had yet commented when a pat on the back lingered a little too long, or when hands drifted to the small of the back or gripped tightly to shoulders during the hugs they shared on shift. They didn't hide the physical contact in front of Christopher though, and any irrational fears that Christopher wouldn't accept the change faded the moment that his son cheered for them the first time he saw Buck kiss Eddie softly on the lips as they cooked dinner together one night. 

Buck and Christopher had commandeered the TV as Eddie moved to sort the groceries and the sounds of giggles and enthusiastic shouting echoing in from the living room told Eddie that whoever was winning at Mario Kart was not playing fairly as usual. He couldn't help but snort as Buck's shout of playful outrage seemed to fill the house, as Christopher's infectious laugh followed. His son was cunning when it came to Mario Kart, and Eddie knew first-hand that he wasn't above trying to nudge Buck's arms and try and distract him. "I swear I'm going to practise and practise and one day I will win," Eddie could practically envision the pout that was filling his boyfriend’s lips as he settled the last of the candy in the back of the cupboard and moved to join the others. 

He stopped in the doorway of the living room, leaning against the frame as he watched Buck let his arms drop back down to his side, obviously having thrown them up in the air after he had lost the race. The smile on his face quickly dropped into a frown as Christopher pointed towards Bucks arm, and asked in the inquisitive manner that came with being eight years old, "What's that on your arm Buck?" 

"Oh that? When I was younger, I got hurt." Eddie noticed the way Buck's voice grew quiet just like it did when he brought up parts of his past such as his parents. He wondered what was on his arm that had gained such a response from the other man. 

"Were you saving someone?" Christopher continued, and Eddie could see the boy reach out and touch Buck's arm, but from his position he was unable to see quite where, nor was he able to see what the mark was. He tried to rack through his memories, trying to remember what was on the other man’s arms other than the tattoos that he had permanently etched into his memories. 

"Not that time buddy. How's about we try again, I bet I can win this time!"

* * *

Eddie noticed the shift in Buck as the evening progressed; how he had claimed one of his hoodies after he had lost the second race on Mario Kart. Eddie couldn't help the way his eyes kept skimming back to the sleeves that covered the other man’s arms as they eventually turned off Mario and switched to the films that Buck had picked out for the family night in. He felt his own curiosity coil up inside of him as they put Christopher to bed once his sugar high crashed, leaving them alone as they switched from kids’ movies to action films. Buck had shifted at some point during the film, moving to rest his head in Eddie's lap, sighing in encouragement as Eddie began to gently play with his hair. They were both full of pizza, candy, and popcorn, and neither man wanting to be the one to move and reach for the remote as the film ended leaving them staring at the Netflix loading screen. 

Eventually it was Buck who stretched towards the coffee table, the tight fabric of Eddie's hoodie clinging to his taller frame and the cuff of the sleeve exposing a slither of the man's wrist. Both of them realised the skin was on display at the same time, and Eddie instantly knew why he had never seen the mark that Christopher had pointed out earlier that day. Where a watch usually sat on Buck's wrist, a sharp white scar now shone like a beacon in the tan line that his watch left, and Eddie couldn't tear his eyes away from the thick line that could only have been caused by one thing. Actions spoke louder than words as Buck yanked his arm back as if he had been burned, hastily pulling at the cuff of the sleeve, tugging it down so that he could curl his fingers in the fabric holding it in place. 

The air between them grew heavy with tension as the silence surrounded them. Eddie could feel the tension in Buck's body, but the other man made no attempt to move from his lap, seemingly frozen in place as he clutched at the sleeve as if hoping that by hiding it now, he could pretend that it hadn't been seen. "Buck-"

"Please don't," Buck choked out, his voice sounding so quiet and so withdrawn from the usual joyfulness. Eddie felt his heart break, and his chest ached with the sadness that he felt for the other man; he hadn't heard him sound that broken in so long even after everything that they had been through together.

"I love you; I don't care what you have done. just know that I love all of you." Eddie whispered, lowering his voice to match Buck's as he resume stroking his boyfriend’s hair once more, hoping that the touch would calm the tension that was screaming through his frame. A sob shook Buck's shoulders and a small sniffle had Eddie closing his eyes as he tried to stop his own tears from falling. 

"I was so alone and sad, and I ended up thinking that no one would miss me if I died." Buck whispered so softly that Eddie wondered if he was supposed to hear it. 

"Christopher would have missed you, and I can't imagine a world without you in it." Eddie replied, as he stroked a stray hair away from Buck's forehead and watching as Buck's grip on the hoodie sleeve slowly loosened. Eddie watched as Buck slowly rolled back the sleeve of the hoodie, exposing the old scar properly; the age was evident in the white colouring that stood out so brightly even against the paler patch of skin. Eddie could also see the emotions that Buck must have felt when he pulled the blade across his skin in the width of the scar and the placement of the injury. He felt the anger and the sadness swirling together in his gut, fuelled by the hatred for whoever could have made Buck feel so low that he though death was his option. 

"Don't worry, it was just me being an angsty fifteen-year-old." Buck shrugged haphazardly, flinching slightly as Eddie's free hand gently reached for his wrist, his finger tracing along the white line. 

"Please don't say that Buck," Eddie whispered, "I love you, and I hope that you never feel like that again."

"I love you too, and I promise. I have too much to live for now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was initially meant as a one-shot but beanieclaire suggested a full fic where Eddie first finds the scar on Buck's wrist and it gave me this little nugget of emotions. 
> 
> Again I haven't watched the show in full so character inconsistencies may occur. It is next on my binge list though!

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Forever Fifteen by Mothica. 
> 
> Just a little one-shot because I have thrown myself head-first back into the fanfic side of this pairing. I still need to actually watch the show in its entirety but I adore these two together.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, and maybe when I have finished some of the fics that I have currently half-written, and when I actually watch all of the show I might write more for these two dorks in love.


End file.
